Oct
8
All Tuckered Out
Filed Under family, school, sisters, sorority stuff | Leave a Comment
I keep trying to write about how homecoming weekend got me all tuckered out, but every time I attempt it I get sleepy and have to do something else (ie: nap).
Needless to say, homecoming weekend really took it out of me! I was not even wild and crazy, especially when compared to many of my compatriots.
It was a fun weekend all around, though. Our float in the parade was fantastic. It consisted of corn stalks attached all the way around the bed of a pickup truck, and a cardboard cutout of Harry S. Truman attached to a stick that would pop up every few seconds. This year’s homecoming theme was “Where in the world is Harry Truman?” Which, honestly, is a little bizarre… We know where Harry Truman is. He’s about 6 ft. under in Independence, MO. But we disregarded that for the time being and had him popping up from the corn on our truck. We used it as promotion for Corn Maze, and lots of people seemed excited by it.
The softball game between my sorority and the ag frat went… well. We lost, 2-26, but I think we made a good show. I was like Barry Bonds, minus the steroids and the talent.
On Sunday, my sister April and her brood came to visit me. It was fun to see them, and I got to show them parts of my campus and some of the frat houses whose front yards were completely covered in beer cans and other such debris. We know how to keep it classy ’round these parts.
So I guess I have to quit dramatically declaring that she’s never visited me. It has been fun, but I need to switch tactics and start declaring that she waited until my second senior year to visit me. It’s cool, though, I appreciate the effort, however belated it is.
Oct
1
Wrapping Up
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I called Lil approximately 10 seconds after pushing the button to post that last entry.
“I wrote a blog post about you,” I said smugly.
“Oh, GREAT,” was her reply.
And I don’t want you to be confused into thinking she said it enthusiastically, because she did not. It was not an excited “Oh great!” It was more along the lines of when you’re running late and on the way out to the car you step in a pile of dog poo and you say, “Ohhh GREAT.”
Anyhoo.
Today I received an email from my college, gently prompting me to apply for graduation (I know, Mom! I’m totally going to do it… soon… ish…). The general tone of the email wasn’t desperate, per se, but it was pretty hard not to get the hint. It kind of read like so:
Dear Kalin,
It’s not that we WANT you to leave. We’ve really enjoyed having you hereand collecting your tuition. But uh, it’s getting to be that time… It’s just, you’ve been here for… well, you’ve been here for a while… So, you know. Butterfly from the cocoon… baby bird leaving the nest… Get it?
Oh, GREAT.
Sep
29
(Bad) Apples
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Mmmm, there’s nothing quite like fresh, home-grown apples in the fall. Especially if they’ve got thick covering of delicious, buttery caramel. But, uh, they’re good even if they’re “healthy” or whatever.
I’ve been anxiously awaiting our annual Apple Day, which consists of my family and I gather up lots of apples and running them through an old fashioned cider press to make delicious home-made cider. Well, it’s not really delicious, because we don’t cut out the bad parts of the apples. But it’s definitely home-made!
Two weeks ago was supposed to be Apple Day, but Lil canceled it for some reason. This weekend was also supposed to be Apple Day, but Lil canceled it again. Why did Lil cancel it? I don’t know. Why don’t I know? Because she refuses to answer my calls and even though I’ve been home the past TWO (2) weekends, I haven’t seen her once because she’s too busy ditching me.
I know what you’re wondering:
1) Is that Lil really as awful as she seems?
2) Did Kalin really just use a potentially legitimate blog post about apples and cider for the sole purpose of harassing and publicly calling out her sister?
Answers are as follows:
1) Yes
2) Yes
Sep
14
A Foregone Conclusion
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For those of you who kept up on this year’s Triple Crown races, you may have seen an interview by Rick Dutrow, Big Brown’s trainer, where he said that a Triple Crown victory was a “Foregone Conclusion.” Obviously, this is before his horse finished dead last in the Belmont.
Needless to say, Dutrow paints a pretty fine example of what any trainer of an athlete should not do. I kept this in mind recently when my sister Lil trained for a half marathon, which she is running today. I know what you’re thinking: You didn’t even know I was Lil’s trainer. That’s because I try to keep it on the down-low so that she can feel proud of her accomplishments and want to keep running.
Also, if she were to do something embarrassing like attempting to ride on the back of a Kenyan (the only way, she assures me, she could possibly win the race), I am completely out of the picture.
Recently, Lil got a heart rate monitor and started running according to a target heart rate or some such nonsense. She was surprised to find that in order to maintain this heart rate, she had to go a lot slower than she’d previously been running. I am from the athletic training school of thought that involves letting the athlete think that they are doing something worthwhile, because if they think their performance will be improved, it just might be. The mind is a powerful thing!
Also, her going slower gave me more time to stir steroids (albeit the kind prescribed to elderly dogs, as that is the only type to which I have access) into her water.
I’m proud of you, Lilly. But if race officials ask you for a blood test, forget that heart rate crap and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
Aug
4
The past several days I have been rising early (before 8AM!!) and it is about killing me. I vaguely remember there being a time in my life when I woke up early on regular occasion. School started at 8:30, in high school I had horse judging practice at 7:30 and I assume I woke up at some point before those things started. And I know for a fact that that was a time in my life when I was to shower, apply makeup, dry and straighten my hair with militant precision every morning (ahh, how times have changed).
My early mornings have been caused by something that will be part of a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT later this week.
But BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS aside, this waking up early thing has got to go. People were not designed to live like this, despite what my sister Lil will tell you (and boy will she tell you, because there is very little she loves more than organic vegetables and making her own yogurt/bread/ice cream/etc, but waking up early and talking about waking up early are a few of those things). The other day she and I went out to lunch and I was complaining about how tired I was. She took the opportunity to tell me that she had awakened at 4:30AM that morning in order to go running before Jake had to get up and go to work and… something about kids and then… something about responsibility… I don’t know, at the time I thought she was telling me a bedtime story, so I’d curled up into a ball to take a little cat nap.
Lil is far from my only sister to have shady tendencies, as evidenced by the candid photography creepiness demonstrated by April and Marissa in the following picture:
I’ll get back to posting regularly, but don’t be too surprised if there are lots of spelling mistakes and stories about my sisters.
Jul
7
Da Fo’th
Filed Under family, sisters | 4 Comments
I hope all my American compatriots enjoyed a fantastic Fourth of July holiday weekend. I know I did.
We had our usual parade breakfast on Friday morning, but this one was different.
For the first time, I contributed with food that I actually had to bake. Usually I just deliver a fruit salad. Sometimes Lil gives me credit for food which she makes but thinks might get a poor reception. One time she made a weird-looking jello salad that (visually) resembled something your car might leave on the floor of the garage following a high speed impact. She told people that I’d brought it.
But this year I slaved and planned and slaved a little more to make these delicious biscuits. I had to roll out of bed at 7AM in order to get my biscuits mixed up and baked in time for breakfast. I was still 20 minutes late, but I want it on record that I (and my biscuits) were ready and waiting to leave right on time, and that my tardiness was due to an escape attempt by a certain pair of hounds.
I chose to make garlic cheddar and bacon cheddar biscuits, and they were a big hit. Duh, anything involving garlic and/or cheese and/or bacon is automatically a big hit with my family.
This was the whole spread. Coffee, orange juice, donuts, grapes, melon, more melon, more donuts, hard boiled eggs, DELICIOUS BISCUITS and muffins.
These are Marissa’s fabulous 4th of July shoes.
Here, Marissa and Lil show the contrast of special 4th of July shoes (complete with patriotic pinwheel) and Lil’s hippie clodhoppers. Also, I feel like I should clarify that Lil was pulling up the legs of her pants… they are not normally that high. Even if that was actually the way her pants were, I would probably create an elaborate lie in order to assure you otherwise, because that would be kind of embarassing.
Grammy and Gramps were out in full patriotic garb.
Lirah spent some time looking “like a weird model baby,” as I so eloquently put it. I don’t know what she’s eating, but it sure looks like a DELICIOUS BISCUIT.
Marissa and Geoff give us a fine example of wedded bliss. They did actually smile for a normal picture, after much harassment from April, but that one’s not nearly as entertaining.
I hadn’t realized that Lil was dressed completely unpatriotically until now. Jeez. I should have pinched her for that. Who wears brown on the 4th of July?! Especially when it’s your mom’s birthday! Anyway, obviously this is Lil & Jake’s family.
April and Dennis’s brood. If you go to April’s site, you’ve probably seen this picture. She didn’t give me photographer’s credit, but it’s ok. I’ve contacted my lawyer.
Marissa and Rhys laughing about something. Probably something charming and witty that I said, but I don’t remember.
A politician handed out these balloons during the parade. This one almost got away, but luckily Jake leaped onto the railing of the porch and plucked it from the sky while April looked on, shocked and ready to grab Jake’s foot if he started to float away. Also lucky was the fact that I was nearby with my camera to catch this completely genuine and unstaged photo. That, my friends, is talent.
Jun
22
Here’s a scenario you might enjoy working through.
Two sisters are going to a movie. There are two theaters to choose from. Both are playing the movie they want to see at frequent time intervals that work with the sisters’ schedule. Both sisters have student ID’s. Theater 1 sells movie tickets to students for $4 a piece while Theater 2 offers no student discount and tickets are $9 a piece. Which theater will the sisters choose?
I bet you’ve got it all figured out, eh? The obvious choice would be Theater 1. But this scenario leaves out a very important variable: alcohol-serving establishments within walking distance of the theaters.
My sister (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity, though hopefully by now you’ve narrowed it down to thee potential candidates) and I decided that we should go see The Hulk (not a great movie, by the way, but not terrible). We had the above decision to make, with the added information that the only place that serves alcohol in the vicinity of Theater 1 was Olive Garden. Drinking at Olive Garden seemed a highly undesirable choice, so we went with Theater 2, which is near some restaurant themed around Chicago-style pizza that contains a bar.
If right now you’re wondering, “Why would you go drinking before going to a movie?!” I can only tell you that the previews are a lot more exciting that way. It can be a little dangerous, though: one time there was a preview for some action movie, and suddenly the screen was split into four different scenes, and they were all flashing and intense and we got scared and confused.
We parked at the movie theater and strolled over to the restaurant and what ensued was a little drinking (and by “little” I mean, “the amount of time that lapsed was remarkably small for the amount of alcohol consumed”), a little refusal to buy overpriced food (which probably would have helped with the aforementioned alcohol) and a little watching of bad action movies. And that was all before leaving the restaurant!
Now, I don’t want you to think that be went stumbling out of the restaurant and crawled our way to the movie theater, because we certainly did not. In fact, we walked quite capably and my sister even added in a fancy move where she swung her arm back and forth in a huge arc, as though she was cross country skiing and trying to navigate over a small hill. This movement was further accentuated by her excessively loud and enthusiastic praise of the sunset.
It’s probably best that we went to Theater 2, because I doubt she could have found her student ID anyway.
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Kalin is twenty-two years old.
Contrary to popular belief, she's not bilingual (though after 4.5 years of Spanish you'd think she'd know more than she does).
She loves Herefords and Tennessee Walkers. . . [READ MORE] -
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