Jan

28

Wordless Wednesday: If It Was a Polyester Leisure Suit, I’d be Wearing It

Filed Under family | 1 Comment


This awesome dress and many more are at my sister’s Etsy shop.

Jan

23

I’m In Danger

Filed Under dogs | 8 Comments

I like to go out to the barn a lot, sometimes at night. For many years I’ve been accompanied by a big angry dog that some of you may recognize as my slightly moody companion, Bradley. Bradley would go out to the barn with me, hang out and then escort me back inside.

But Bradley is old, so his apprentice — his little padawan — his unpaid intern — now accompanies me. Who is that, you ask?


Why, it is this emotive little fellow.

Olio is always eager to go outside, but once out there, his performance is a little… lackluster. And by “lackluster,” I mean, “riddled with failure.”

You see, Olio is a wuss. A pansy. A lily liver. A yellow-belly. And he demonstrates it by abandoning me out in the barn. Sometimes I come back inside, calling for him, only to find out that he’s already inside, having been let in by The Enabler, er.. I mean… Mom.

I tried explaining to Mom (within earshot of Olio) that I could be attacked by a bear while out there. It’s not like we have bears roaming around the yard frequently, but I have a number of fears regarding my natural predators, including but not limited to:
1) Being attacked by a bear and eaten.
2) Being attacked by a snake because I’ve stepped on it.
3) Being attacked by a mountain lion because they are historically jerks.
4) Being attacked by a fluffy, domestic weasel for providing it the wrong type of kitten kibble.

Imagine my horror when, mere days after this incident, a news story came out (complete with a number of pictures) of a black bear being spotted in a field about 1.5 hours North of here. A BEAR. NEARBY. And I’m stuck with an abandoning little terrier. Didn’t they make a movie about this very situation? Maybe I’m thinking of “The Four Feathers.”


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I tried to get video footage of Olio being tormented by our barn cat, who runs after him and frightens him, but I couldn’t get anything good. Why? Because he was standing right behind my legs, using me as a human shield between him and the barn cat (which, I should mention, is actually a barn KITTEN).

So. Anybody have a bear dog you’d like to give me?

Jan

21

Hands-On

Filed Under family, horses | 1 Comment

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been out and about, traveling across the country and skiing.

I kid, I kid. I HAVE been outside a lot, now that there’s slightly less risk of dying from exposure within 10 minutes, and working with Santana a lot. And I HAVE kind of gone skiing: I’ve been teaching Santana to lunge, which if you’re not familiar to horses, is a form of exercise that consists of a person standing, holding onto a long rope (”lunge line”) while the horse moves around you in a circle. This is a great way to exercise a horse for short periods of time, such as when you’re warming up before a ride, etc. When you’ve got a horse that doesn’t really know how to lunge, it’s probably wise not to start teaching them when there’s lot of snow on the ground, lest your neighbors think you’ve taken up skijoring.


This is not an ACTUAL photo, if you couldn’t tell, but rather an artist’s interpretation of what Santana and I looked like the other day on Lunge Lesson #2.

He’s been really good, actually, but he does have a quirk where he learns something new one day, and then the next day in an effort to impress you with how much he knows he does it REALLY, REALLY fast. And it IS impressive, in the same way that holding onto a freight train with a rope is impressive, which is to say not at all.

He’s done quite well, actually. Lunge Lessons #1, #3 and #4 have all been fun, it was just #2 that was, ahem, impressive.

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2/3 of my sisters, April and Lil, made me this nice scarf and hat set for Christmas because they are crocheting fiends. Technically, I received the scarf for Christmas and started wearing it immediately. But for a while — a VERY LONG while — I had only the promise of the hat to keep my head warm. And I also want to mention that during this while — this VERY LONG, COLD while — I was wracked with chills after Lil gave me the flu, and I bet a hat would have been pretty nice to wear during that time.

I’m glad that April gave me the scarf on time, because it made sure my throat stayed nice and warm so as to have a full voice while harassing/chiding/hounding/admonishing Lil in regards to the whereabouts of my hat.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. Yesterday, Lil came out to the barn at night when I was working on something handmade of my own (more on that later) and presented me with the hat. So now, not only am I all warm, I also have one less thing to complain about when I see Lil! I’m sure I’ll come up with other stuff, though. I’m creative like that…

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My handmade project was the above: a pair of long lines. They’re basically like really long reins, that you run through a surcingle in order to long line (aka “ground drive”) your horse. This is another great form of exercise for horses, a little more training-intensive than something like lunging.

Santana doesn’t know how to do this, either, so today was his first attempt. He did a great job, especially when my surcingle BROKE IN HALF and flopped along underneath him, attached to the lines but dragging right behind his front legs. Luckily, he’s a good boy and stopped and waited for me to come up to him and help him out. Jeez, talk about starting out on the wrong foot. A more hot-headed horse (like, say, Masterpiece) would have freaked out at something like that and could have gotten themselves into a lot of trouble. Luckily, Santana is not really phased by little mishaps so we continued on with the lesson and he was just great.

He may be a goofer, but overall he’s pretty good.

Jan

15

LITERALLY!

Filed Under horses | 3 Comments

It is literally cold enough outside to freeze your nose hairs and make them shatter, leaving the tender insides of your nostrils exposed and unprotected. The high temperature today did not even reach zero, which I think is just offensive.

I cope by staying inside and watching the travel channel (”Top Ten Mexican Beach Resorts” was my favorite… I took four-point-five years of Spanish, I could survive down there, sí? Sí! Que Bueno!) and eating pasta with hot sauce on it.

I did not spend all day inside, of course, because there are certain creatures dependent on us for survival.

This video sums up life around here pretty well, with Santana giving me a look that says “Can I go inside now? Is that thing in your hand something to eat? CAN I GO INSIDE NOW?!” Do you hear that whoosh sound? That’s the sound of me blowing air into my glove in an attempt to thaw out my frozen fingers.

Ahhh, winter.

Jan

13

Blerrrgh.

Filed Under family, horses, sisters | 2 Comments

In lieu of an actual post, enjoy something which kind of resembles a stream of consciousness, minus the stream and also minus the consciousness:

I am recovering.

A certain bringer of plague
disease pod
vector
sister of mine invited me into her home, fed me homemade pizza and donuts (er, I mean salad and fresh Acai berries… do you eat them fresh? How do you even say Acai?!), and gave me the stomach flu.

How do I know I’m getting better? I ate cottage cheese without wanting to yak! Also, I watched 3 hours of CSI: New York, filled with cadavers and murders and autopsies and science montages without wanting to yak. I’m cured!

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I’m writing up a cover letter to apply for a job. They also request that you include your salary expectations. I’m thinking of writing “Less than or equal to a bazillion dollars,” because that will tell them that I’m fair and honest and realistic. It’s my way of saying, “Hey guys, I know I’m fresh out of college and my skills are probably not worth over a bazillion dollars. But anything leading up to and including one bazillion buckaroos? FAIR GAME.”

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I ran out the other day to get some pictures of the horses silhouetted (PS: spelled that right on the FIRST TRY) against a dramatic sunset. They turned out really well!


And by “really well,” I mean “not at all.” Is it so much to ask for a horse to stand a specific distance away and give me a nice profile shot with ears up while I crouch on the ground, fingers frozen, and snap some shots?

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Speaking of posing horses, this clip is from a few weeks ago:

It can pretty much be summed up with the following thoughts:
SANTANA: WEEEEEE OUTSIDE TIME YAY!
MASTERPIECE: Are you taking a picture of me? Take a picture of me! I’m posing! I’m POSING DAMMIT TAKE A PICTURE OF ME!

Jan

10

Ohhhh Lordy McGordy

Filed Under family | Leave a Comment

I’ve just recently returned from Lil’s house where I ate dinner and had the following conversation:

ME: I’m going to lay down on your floor and die.
LIL: But you’re already in heaven!

Why? Let me explain in haiku:

Pillsbury biscuits,
Buttermilk. Cinnamon rolls.
Fried, glazed or frosted.

Yay homemade donuts.
Let’s say we made them from scratch.
If we don’t die first.

Jan

9

Pop Quiz!

Filed Under ferrets | 1 Comment


.

What IS it?
A) A fuzzy wuzzy catterpillar that’s been exposed to radiation
B) An angora badger
C) A ferret that went above and beyond the call of duty when it came to growing a winter coat
D) A Persian cat that got all stretched out
E) Not enough info — we must poke it with a stick to see how it reacts

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