Aug
30
Lies, Intolerance and Mind Games
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
I’m learning some tough lessons while away at school.
Lies
My economics teacher is a small, frail, older man who has a myriad of health problems. He’s funny and likes to harp on our university. One discussion, revolving around self-interest, found the Department of Public Safety, aka the university police, under attack. He talked of how ridiculous it was that we have 2 pursuit vehicles on our peaceful little medium-sized campus. He berated the fact that, unlike in previous years, where if you needed to get into a classroom at any time you could call DPS and they would come unlock it for you, you must now fill out several paper forms to have the door unlocked.
“It’s to prevent theft,” he explained. “You know what’s stolen around here? Nothing. Nothing gets stolen here. Once a baby grand piano got stolen, but that’s because the guys walked into the building in uniform one day and took it in broad daylight and no one questioned them. Nothing else gets stolen!”
The next class period, two DPS officers showed up at our classroom with a camera. They came in, apologized for interrupting, and pointed up to the ceiling. There, wires dangled where once a projector had been mounted. Our professor shook his head. “You’re making a liar out of me,” he said. “I told them nothing gets stolen around here.”
“That’s not actually a factual statement,” said the DPS officer.
I just realized that I had a somewhat lengthy conversation with my mom today about my need for a projector in the near future. It wasn’t me, Mom!
Intolerance
Bradley has become completely intolerant of the idea of me not taking him on at least one car ride per day. There is no peace in this apartment until he feels properly chauffeured.
Tonight I went to the best Mexican restaurant around, El Vaquero, with my friend/sorority sister, Shipley. El Vaq just moved into a new building and I was going to celebrate with a margarita. 45 minutes, 2 lost orders, 1.5 margaritas and about 5 lbs of chips & salsa later, I was not feeling great.
Shipley dropped me off at my apartment and I wanted nothing more than to fall into bed for a bit. Bradley used his questionable herding instincts (which consist of him trying to physically push me places) to try to get me to the car for his Bye-Bye. I apologized to him, explained that I’d discovered that tequila was the devil, and fell asleep for 3 hours. Bradley spent the entire time scratching and licking himself. And probably planning on peeing on my bed when I’m in class tomorrow.
Mind Games
I bought a parking pass. This gives me the right to park in the proper parking lots, right? Correct. However, I think my school should have signs posted that say:
Blue Stickers Only
Good luck getting out of or into your car, suckaaaaaaa!”
Aug
27
I am BACK
Filed Under sorority stuff | 1 Comment
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here before, and most of you who read this are related to me, so you know it anyway, but I’m in a sorority. It’s a professional Ag sorority (Sigma Alpha). We don’t have a house, and we’re not your typical sorority-type girls. We do put on a wicked haunted corn maze, though, which basically consumes our lives for a couple weeks.
Tonight was our first meeting of the year. I’m the 1st vice president, after spending two years as 2nd vice president (with the job of educating new members). 2nd VP was a lot of work, and 1st VP is a cake walk. I was all clever and decided that after all that work, I’d take the easiest job on the executive board, so I refused to run for president, because being president is a lot of work, especially during Corn Maze, when basically everything falls on the president’s shoulders.
My good friend Becca is president, and she does a great job. However, her sister is getting married this fall. Out of all the weekends, guess which one it just so happens to hit. Yes. Corn Maze weekend. And with the president gone, who takes over? The secretary? The treasurer? Please? No, it’s the 1st VP. Dang.
That all wasn’t actually the point of this post at all, but I’m prone to tangents.
So Bradley and I went to the first Sig Al meeting of the year (another benefit of an ag sorority: everyone loves dogs, everyone has dogs, and they come to meetings). I was complaining about my lack of internet, probably lying on the floor in the corner weeping with my arm draped over my face dramatically, when Brenna gave me a verbal defibrillating.
“I’ve got a modem you can use, if you want it.”
It’s worth mentioning that Brenna is the poor dear who recently took the Uncontrollable Bladder Cannon…er, Stella.
“WHAT?!” I shouted. I briefly stopped my sobbing.
“I’ve got an extra modem, you can…” Brenna started, but at this point I’d thrown Bradley over my shoulder and was slowly attempting to sprint to my car.
I got the modem and breathlessly (this is a nice way of saying I was wheezing from excitement) hooked it up and watched with delight as all the little lights lit up green.
So here I am. Back on the good ol’ interwebs. Expect big things from me in the future*!
*Not necessarily the near future, and not necessarily especially big things.
Aug
26
Internetless
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
I’m at school now. My summer is officially over and gone and the school year has begun. I gnashed my teeth and tried to build a time machine real quick like in order to go back to the beginning of summer, but alas, it did not work and here I am. At school. As we speak, because you know what’s not working in my apartment?
1) Stella’s bladder control.
2) Bradley’s New Year’s resolution to not be so judgemental.
3) My internet.
4) Several light bulbs that I haven’t fixed since last semester.
#3 is the real kicker there. I ordered a new modem/router thingermajigger, and it will hopefully arrive within the next week. That’s wishful thinking on my part, because it’s coming from California, and nothing from California ever arrives within a week.
Until then, mis amigos, I am going to be going stir crazy in my apartment and spending lots of time on the computers in our science hall and maybe doing some other stuff like studying or cleaning or whatever.
I guess this gives Bradley and I time to perfect our rendition of Othello. Maybe we’ll do an impromptu performance of it at Marissa’s wedding next weekend…
Aug
24
Stella’s coming home. She hasn’t worked out for my sorority sister, due to some unfortunate bladder…issues…
The news of Stella’s homecoming led to some confusion yesterday when I was playing with Bradley, Benvolio and Mauler.
“Look!” said Mauler.
In unison, he and Benvolio cried “Brownie is home!” They rushed over to greet him.
Following, I chuckled. “Sorry, guys. That’s not Brownie. That’s a chubby, excessively fruity tree, not a chubby, excessively fruity dog.”
Aug
23
The Mallard Models
Filed Under dogs | 2 Comments
I recently made the most excellent purchase of the AKC Mallard Squeak Toy, which is a big stuffed duck that honks.
Olio, after getting over his initial fear of the realistic honking sound, has really taken to this toy.
Today I decided to go take some pictures of the dogs, poor lighting conditions be damned, and use the Mallard toy to inspire them.
First up was Benvolio.
“Like this?” he said, anxiously.
“I’m really after more of an action shot. Pretend like you’re a vicious wolverine or something!”
“LIKE THIS?!” he demanded.
“Um, yes, kind of. You’re getting closer,” I said, trying to correct yet encourage him. But he wasn’t listening.
“I’m like Barbaro!” he shouted breathlessly.
At this point it was time to move on.
Bradley decided to take a stab at modeling.
“Good!” I encouraged. “But maybe a little less coy.”
Bradley let me know that he did not know what I was insinuating, but he didn’t like it. He’s kind of a diva sometimes.
At this point, Mauler stepped up.
“Try looking a little less dumbfounded,” I suggested. “Try to be a little more intense.”
“No!” I shouted. “Less intense! Less intense!”
A good medium. It’s a bold statement. I called it a wrap.
Aug
21
My Eyes!
Filed Under horses | 2 Comments
This is a picture I took a couple years ago when I was a freshman in college, messing around with my first digital camera and discovering the joys of macro shots.
I like that you can see all the little spindly bits in my iris. It looks so intricate and delicate!
It’s a good thing that this is my last week of work for the summer, because if it wasn’t, I’d be investing pretty seriously in some safety goggles to protect all that delicate stuff.
My eyes are under constant attack at work. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I work for family friends who breed horses. They’ve usually got just under 20 horses at any given time, and I clean stalls every day and take care of everything when they’re out of town.
Besides the sawdust in the air and dusty pieces of hay flying at my cornea, there are two major threats to the well-being of my eyes:
1. Horse Tails
The horses are tied in their stalls and given a handful of grain to keep them occupied while I clean around them. They like to keep an eye on me and swish their tails a lot to see where abouts in the stall I am. With the amount of swishing going on, you’d think they were covered in flies, but there are never any pests in there (well, ok, today there was a giant horse fly in Shadow’s stall, which I attempted to smite by bringing down the muck rake like the hammer of Thor, only to have it buzz away, mildly annoyed). Besides me, of course.
So the horses swish their tails around and horse hair is pretty course, so it really, really hurts when they whip you in the eyeball with it. Today I received by far the worst face lashing of the summer from Sassy, one of my favorite broodmares. I had to do a quick check to make sure my eyeball hadn’t been turned to goop before I continued on with the cleaning. I think I heard Sassy snicker.
2. High Velocity Horse Snot
We got a bulk load of shavings that was kind of dusty, and the horses really didn’t care much for them at all. To show their disapproval, they spent a lot of time snorting and sneezing and finding other ways in which to force copious amounts of snot out of their heads at high rates of speed.
They like to stand at the front of their stalls, especially as I’m tying or untying them, and shoot snot straight at my eyes. Yes, it feels as gross as it sounds.
Tomorrow I’m going in for my second round of sedation dentistry, so don’t expect to hear anything from me in a day or two, if I make it out.
Aug
20
The Hand Off
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
The Stella hand off went just fine. I didn’t throw her into the Mississippi and she only threw up a few times (compared to Mauler, this is like the difference between your local creek and the Amazon).
I was in for a nasty surprise at my apartment, though. Besides it being ridiculously hot, my lap top wouldn’t pick up my wireless network. Figuring my modem just needed to be unplugged plugged back in for a good old fashion reboot, I twirled around to do just that. Instead of being greeted with happy little green lights, I was faced with pulsating orange and a weird buzzing sound. I performed the standard unplugging and plugging back in and there was no change, until…suddenly…nothing.
There were no lights. Everything was black. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back it.
Nothing.
“NOOOOOOO!!” I cried, anguished, falling to my knees and shaking my fists at the sky.
You see, I have no TV in my apartment. I thought that perhaps this would allow me to focus on school work a bit more, but…well, the results have been questionable. Without the internet, there’s very little to do, besides trying to teach Bradley how to play cards. But he cheats.
Luckily, I was entertained for a while by Antonio and William, my helpful customer support representatives. They arranged for me to get a new AC adapter, in case that’s the issue. If it’s not, I’m going to have to order a new modem, and it’s going to be a long first few days at school.
-
Kalin is twenty-two years old.
Contrary to popular belief, she's not bilingual (though after 4.5 years of Spanish you'd think she'd know more than she does).
She loves Herefords and Tennessee Walkers. . . [READ MORE] -
Cast & Crew
-
Site Stuff
